Penny's Story

A cute little drummer living her dream.

Archive for July 14, 2008

This is exactly the bullshit I’m talking about…

So, I figured I’d post a very brief IM log. I “hide” on MySpace IM. I only have the MySpace messenger to get the real-time updates on my emails and comments. I hate chatting online; I think it’s a really horrible way to communicate.

This dude thought I was attractive enough to IM me even though I would have appeared to be offline (on chat). I’m not as pissed or annoyed or hurt as I would have been just a few days ago about this exchange. I have mixed feelings at this point. I’m feeling much better about my attractiveness and desireability – just as I am; but it’s still kind of weird when a guy IM’s me out of the blue without taking the ten seconds to read enough of my profile to discover that I’m transgender.

Anyway, here’s a very typical example of what I deal with:

pete0236:  (07/14/2008 11:11 PM): hi
pete0236 is online 07/14/2008 11:11 PM:
“I am online”

Picky Penelope: hello

pete0236: hi there how are you tonight

Picky Penelope: fine, how are you?

pete0236: im good thank you
pete0236: your profile caught my eye so i thought id drop a line

Picky Penelope: thanks
Picky Penelope: what part caught your eye?

pete0236: to be honest your picture

Picky Penelope: always is   lol
pete0236: your very attractiuve
pete0236: attractive*

Picky Penelope: thanks

pete0236: i can send a few pics if youd like

Picky Penelope: did you read any of my profile?

pete0236 logged off at 07/14/2008 11:14 PM
Messages will be delivered next time the user logs on


And he was gone. It’s gotten to the point that when a random guy emails me or IMs me, I get to the “Hey, non-reading jerk, I’M A TRANSSEXUAL” as quickly as possible. It saves both of us lots of time.

I’m almost taking an evil pleasure in messing with these guys heads. That guy has to spend tonight thinking about how he thought a transsexual was actually “very attractive.” Imagine that. 

My Favorite Trans Movie


It’s funny to me that my favorite trans movie isn’t specifically “trans.”


It’s Mulan. I saw it when it came out (in 1998) with my Gram, because no one else wanted to see it. As I’ve watched it again and again over the years, it seems to have an increasing impact on me. I put it on today just because it was on the Disney channel. I put it on more for noise than anything else. I cry so much watching this movie. Good cry. Scared cry. Sad cry. Loved cry. Mulan triggers every emotion. And it’s pretty funny, too.


But the really interesting thing is how I relate to Mulan. Mulan is a girl that masquerades as a man in order to serve in her father’s place in the army. She does not want to be a boy, yet she is pretending to be one. It’s gottent to the point that that’s really how I see my past. I was pretending to be a boy. I see myself so much as that girl, scared for her life if the truth was revealed. It’s not a perfect analogy for my life, of course, but it surprises me how much more I relate to Mulan than most other trans characters in movies, and she’s not even “really” trans.


Anyway, good movie, one of my favorites ever, just felt like saying so.


And it has a most amazing song for a transwoman:

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