Penny's Story

A cute little drummer living her dream.

I didn’t mean for it to turn into a defense of men, but…


One of the things that occurrs to me over and over again is the difference of my situation and single non-transwomen.

I know, right? I talk about it all the time.

One of the things that felt weird was that when I told people about the guy I hung out with the other day, almost universally their first question was: “Does he know [that you’ve got a penis]?”

I don’t know. I guess I understand why, but it kind of made me feel like asking me if he knew that I’m deformed. And it reinforced the vibe that it is the single defining element of me as a person. The most important thing for guys to know about me, in my friend’s eyes, is that I have a penis.

No one asked if he knew I was a drummer.

Which is more important? My drumming, or my penis?


And the rationale that I hear a lot is: “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Okay, great. But I worry about my friends a lot, too, without always bringing it up as the most important thing. I have friends that engage in all sorts of dangerous and risk-taking activities. I don’t constantly ask them if they’re aware of the risks they’re taking. I trust them. I’m here if they need me, but I’m not going to bug them about risks we both know they’re taking, either.

I can’t fucking wait till next year.

And then there’s all the mixed fucking messages about guys that like women like me. If they see me as a woman (who happens to have a penis), I guess that’s okay. But if they want to even touch my penis that gets mixed reviews (from both my friends and myself, actually). So, I’m encouraged to look for men in places where men that are attracted to women like me hang out, and yet I am discouraged from actually giving any of those men a chance to just be people. Wow, I’m fucked either way (and not the good kind).

I can’t fucking wait till next year.

And so it seems like I’m supposed to act like myself, which, in the very vulgar vernacular, is to say that I should “act like a girl,” and yet it seems that everyone wants me to be screaming at the top of my lungs that I’m a tranny.

I can’t fucking wait till next year.

And I’m amazed by how much negativity there is about men, just in general. I used to think I had a pretty low opinion of men. Um, no. I have been met by an amazing barrage of vitriol directed at men from my friends. Thinking that “men suck,” or “all men are pigs” will not help me. If I really felt that, why wouldn’t I just get myself to a nunnery?

Seriously, men are people too. They’re all flawed, because they’re human, and we’re all flawed. But most of them (yes, ~MOST~ of them) are good and honest people just trying to live a good and happy life. I don’t need to think the guy that stayed over the other night is an asshole just because we didn’t do anything more than fool around a couple times. We just didn’t hit it off. Why do I need to turn him into something worse than me?

I love men. That’s like the whole point, yo. Vilifying men is not helpful. It will in no way help me reach my goal.

Hey, I’ve experienced the effects of testosterone. I understand a little bit of what men’s issues are (surprisingly, I understand less than I would think, given how long I spent trying to be one, but…). They’ve got they’re issues, but they don’t deserve the complete level of disrespect that they get.

Seriously, I want to get married again, and my husband will be a man. How is it helpful to think that all (or even most) men suck?

I can’t fucking wait till next year.

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