Penny's Story

A cute little drummer living her dream.

Tapestries of Struggle

As we get to know people there will often be issues that might surface that seem like things that preclude us from getting close to them. In my dating-lingo, I call them “deal-breakers.” They’ve changed in the time I’ve been single. There were things that seemed like deal-breakers months ago, that now seem like trivialities.

I’ve been trying to broaden my perspective, and see people as whole individuals, instead of getting caught up on specifics irrespective of context. Afterall, we are all intricate tapestries; if we are viewed too closely our flaws can dominate the field of vision. It is only from a distance that our true beauty can be appreciated. A wise man once said to me that everyone can be scrutinized. If we’re too busy looking for flaws, they’re all we’ll see.

Something that used to be one of those deal-breakers was that if a guy was attracted to transwomen, I instantly ruled him out as a possibility. Now that I write it down in retrospect, it seems so obviously self-defeating. I basically said that I didn’t want anything to do with any guy that found me attractive. Wow. That’s dumb.

And yet, I am sensitive to the fact that some men fetishize transwomen. At what point does attraction for a group of people turn into unacceptable objectification? I was chatting with a friend the other day about this Asian woman who talks about guys having “Yellow Fever,” which is an attraction for Asian women. My friend and I were confused about where the line is between sincere and appropriate attraction and objectification. I think it’s a hard thing to quantify. So I’ve been talking to men about why they find themselves attracted to women like me. And the answers have been telling; most of them can’t explain it at all. They are just sincere folks with an attraction to a certain type of people. And so this has gone from a deal-breaker to a mildly interesting topic of discussion as I get to know someone.

Finally, I’ve been starting to look at everyone’s lives and see struggles and hardships and I’ve been able to relate to them in ways I never could before. As I adapt to my new life and settle more and more, I’m amazed at how similar the basic elements of our struggles are. We all feel isolated and powerless and like no one will understand. And if we can just take that step back, we see that our pain and fear could bring us all together. We all struggle. We all suffer. We all fail. We all succeed.

And the tapestry of each unique soul is a special creation, and deserves to be appreciated on its own merit irrespective of any group that it does or does not belong to.

The tapestry that is me is mad cool! 😉


1 Comment»

  Raves wrote @

this is one of the coolest things I have ever read. And one of my best friends wrote it! I love ya!

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