Penny's Story

A cute little drummer living her dream.

The Never Ending Outing

So, I got outed today, which is a weird thing to be able to say since I’m pretty much as out as I can be. At the same time, it’s not like I make sure everyone that comes into contact with me knows every aspect of my history, including the fact that I’m transsexual. I usually don’t make a point out of telling people anymore, but it comes up sometimes as I get to know people just because it’s an integral part of my history and it has a lot to do with me being me.

So getting outed is weird and sort of pointless. I don’t really want to detail who outed me and to whom, but I’ll just say that the person that outed me doesn’t even know me, and they outed me to someone that I haven’t met yet but am planning on meeting very soon. The bizarre thing being that I felt like this person should be told, and I was planning on being part of telling them as soon as our first meeting (if not sooner). So the “outing” really is just goofy in the grand scheme of things.

And yet, why do people think that they have the right to spread my personal details around? Yes, it’s very true that I live my life as a ~very~ open book, but when someone goes out of their way to tell someone something about me (and it’s always that I’m a transsexual, it’s never that I’m Swedish), it kind of rubs me the wrong way. How about letting me decide who I share my details with? Is it really relevant to anyone but me and my boyfriend what’s in my panties? (which, ironically enough, is now ~A VAGINA~! {yes, fine, I love saying that}) I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business; I share as much as I do because I think it’s important to have as many transsexual “success stories” floating around as possible. I went through my share of hell; I know that being transgendered can feel like an impossible burden to carry; I want people to see that you can turn things around and succeed in the face of it all.

It’s been a very long time since I got outed, which I think makes sense considering how open I am about my life – it’s pretty hard for anyone to find someone that ~doesn’t~ know that I’m a transsexual. And I guess I naively thought that after surgery I was beyond being outed. Nope; apparently as long as I have the history that I do (which obviously will be forever) I have the potential to be outed.

All this does is make me want to scream from the rooftops: “I AM A TRANSSEXUAL, AND I ROCK!”


  Corrvin wrote @

At first I was all “an outing! I love outings! Did you get cake?”

Then I saw it wasn’t that kind of outing. That’s a shame. I think there should be obligatory cake with both kinds.

Also, “Ironic Vagina” is a great band name, AND would look awesome in kanji on a t-shirt or something like that.

Also, you’re Swedish? WHAT? You’ve been keeping that a secret this whole time?

  Brielle wrote @

When people ‘out’ you, they are translating you into a male (in their minds) the way that people translate into their own language when learning a new one, instead of just speaking the language as it were. This is a subtle form of misogyny which is the default for society.

‘Outing’ is a way for people to say that you are a male inhabiting a woman’s body (in their mind) and therefore disempowering you as a woman, which is the default for society! Women are supposed to be weak, supposed to be less by whatever psychological means necessary.

Julia Serano describes societies’ inability to accept transwomen as misogyny – that’s why people love to out transsexuals (m2f) and media loves to show before/after photos, photos of a ‘man’ putting makeup on and ‘becoming’ a woman. They want to show it as fakery, because for one thing, it’s just good sensational pulp and on a deeper level, it fulfills their deisre to disempower women.

We are programmed to believe that femininity in general is ‘contrived’. The image that women need to ‘do themselves up’ to become a woman in the morning, while men simply throw their clothes on and are naturally male – this is societies’ way of disempowering women to a showy contrivance. It’s no different when people ‘out’ a trans woman by reducing her a sum of her passable female gender cues.

A woman is a woman is a woman!

Anyway, I think you’re a peach of a woman and nothing will change that.


  Lisalee wrote @

You do rock, Penny!

  pickypenelope wrote @

@ Corrvin: I want cake! And I’m ~so~ using the name “Ironic Vagina!”

@ Brielle: That’s a very interesting way to look at it, thanks.

@ Lisalee: Well, thanks, I think you’re pretty damned kickass yourself!

  Lars wrote @

I keep waiting for the chance to zingsomeone with this: “What’s between your legs and what you do with it is your business, not mine. Please give me the same courtesy.”

Pray for the day when one’s gender will be less important than one’s politics.

  Corrvin wrote @

I think that a lot of people don’t get that just because their own answer is no big deal to them, that some answers may be much more personal. For instance, “No kids of my body, one stepdaughter” is way less personal than “I have four, three of whom are living.”

Almost everyone has something in their life that’s different, something they don’t always want to talk about; it’s really nice sometimes to share just that you HAVE a secret, not what it is.

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