Penny's Story

A cute little drummer living her dream.

Archive for April 2, 2009

My Mommy

   I was reading a friend’s story today, and she referenced how her parents worked their way to accepting the fact that she is transgender. It made me think of my own mom, and it made me realize that I don’t think I brag about her nearly enough. I’ve heard of way too many GLBT (Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgender) people, especially “T” people losing their families just for being who they are; it makes me appreciate and love and value my mom all the more; she’s kind of awesome. 

   I guess I came out to my mom in stages; it was probably almost twenty years ago that I told my mom I was bisexual [since my transition I’ve identified pretty exclusively as a heterosexual woman]; then about six years ago I told her that I crossdressed; and then about four years ago I told her that I was a transsexual and would be living as a woman someday. At every “outing” she reiterated how much she loves me and just wants me to be happy.

   I didn’t always handle my coming out process with my mom perfectly; besides my ex-wife there was probably no relationship that I was more worried about being damaged by the fact that I’m transgender than the relationship I have with my mom. My mom and I have always been best friends. She had me by herself (my dad was married to someone else when he got my mom pregnant and I didn’t see him very much – I guesstimate that I’ve seen him less than ten times in my entire life), and for my first twelve years it was just me and her. My grandparents were amazing, and helped both emotionally and financially, but at the end of the day, my mom and I were a unit of two. Things changed a little when my mom married my step-dad, but we have remained best friends throughout my life.

   It’s no secret that I tell pretty much everyone pretty much everything; that started with my mom. I have always talked to my mom about everything – with the singular and notable exception of my gender identity. It was so much easier to tell her that I was bisexual (which, ironically, I’m not) than it was to tell her that I’m transgendered. I feared that one piece of information would ruin our amazingly close relationship. This one piece of information was hidden from even myself for a very long time. When I finally let it out I was clumsy and defensive and sometimes even horrible (the best example of this being when I expected her to read my mind; I wanted her to start using my female name when addressing me, but I had only really hinted at it and not made it perfectly clear; I blew up at my mom and told her that she needed to start calling me Penny or she “sucked” – *sigh* – sometimes I can be a wicked rude bitch). My mom handled all of this, even my awkwardness and rudeness with patience and love.

   I always say that I learned how to love from my mom. My mom is sort of my super-hero of love. I’m such a hippy sometimes, because I always seem to think the world would be better off with a lot more love.

   Anyway, back to bragging…

   My mom has not only accepted my transition, but she has embraced me as her daughter. She has said that I am the daughter she always wanted. My mom was there when I had my surgery. She comes to my house parties and hangs out with my friends. She’s still one of my best friends. My mom isn’t perfect, who is? But she is one of the best moms I’ve ever seen. I hope that when my turn comes I will be half as good a mom as she has been.

   My mom rocks; I am so blessed to have her; and I love her madly!

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