Penny's Story

A cute little drummer living her dream.

“There’s Nothing Wrong With My Boy”

   I often sing the praises of my mom, and I do think that she is an amazing person, and she has gone where several parents would be unable to tread: she has accepted me and embraced me as her daughter.

   And yet…

   When I was little I went to a pediatric group. There were a couple doctors that I saw pretty regularly. Every once in a while I would see a doctor that was part of the group that I didn’t see very often; sometimes I would see a doctor only once. When I was ten or eleven, with my one testicle, and miniscule penis, and breasts popping, I saw a doctor that I never saw before or after. I was there for a physical. He complained about my weight (I’ve always been heavy), and then started asking my mom questions about my testicle and such (like, why was there only one?).  He thought that my physicality suggested that there might be some genetic or other issue with me. He told my mom that she should take me to an endocrinologist.

   When we got out to the car she made it clear that there would be no endocrinologist visits in my future. She said, “There’s nothing wrong with my boy.”

   And I’ve forgiven her for that as much as I possibly ever could. I like to tell myself that even if I had seen an endo back then the most probable outcome would have been testosterone shots. I also like to think that even a very enlightened and observant parent would have had trouble noticing my issues back then, as I hid so very well. But I can’t deny that I look to that one moment in my life as the first of many delays of my eventual awakening and transition.

   And I do imagine how my life might have been different if I had been properly diagnosed way back then.

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